Last August I was going in every day for more tests and no answers. In September and after one surgery the answers started to become clear and now I'm on week 3 of chemo. It was harder at first just because I didn't know what to expect but now I feel like I know the drill. Gatorade is the only thing to help stop the constant burning all over but the nausea is always there. Most of my family and friends have remained supportive and others are giving me good vibes through their psychic powers. I think the whole concept of cancer freaks people out, so I'm not surprised that some people can't talk right now. It can be hard to know what to say but I'm very grateful for the people who try. It's rough and very lonely and I appreciate all of you.
The hardest thing for me to deal with is not just death but also losing control. My body was the one place that was always and forever mine and now I feel like I belong in a petri dish. I'm only 33 and I feel like I should be the hyperactive mom I've always been but my body isn't cooperating. There's been many nights that I can't sleep because of the sheer terror at the thought of leaving my daughter. I want to be the same mom I was before. I guess only time will tell how long it will be until I can get back to driving everyone nuts.
The hardest thing for me to deal with is not just death but also losing control. My body was the one place that was always and forever mine and now I feel like I belong in a petri dish. I'm only 33 and I feel like I should be the hyperactive mom I've always been but my body isn't cooperating. There's been many nights that I can't sleep because of the sheer terror at the thought of leaving my daughter. I want to be the same mom I was before. I guess only time will tell how long it will be until I can get back to driving everyone nuts.
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