Internet Dating: Just Kill Yourself

They say social networking has yoked us all together in a tightly knit web where we apparently have a mere four degrees of separation. You might know everyone and have all of resources at your disposal to thoroughly dissect every nuance of your new flame, but why waste your time? It seems like our rushed lives have paved the way for a whole new level of lameness in the love department. If you can't feel chemistry with someone and you solely rely on a computer to tell you whether you share a handful of interests with a hairy oaf, chances are that you might be gay.
Some of my single friends swear by internet dating and I am not one to go around bursting anyone's big gay bubble BUT I am tired of seeing my salsa and margaritas go to waste on their web-a-freak of the week. I'm sure somewhere, somehow there's probably a couple decent guys on there but then you have to wonder why they lack the social skills to just strike up a conversation like other humans. You can't just blame the poor schmucks that troll the web for nookie and long walks on the beach just before they chop you into pieces... Ladies who fall for that crap are just as socially crippled and lacking in self confidence which is the one and only thing that draws these two together.
Honestly, if you can't leave your house and meet someone you need to move out of Wyoming, smile at people even if you don't want to have their love child, and grow a pair. Nothing is a bigger turn off than being a needy goof with nothing real to offer than a shared hobby of gawking at photoshopped pics all night and never having the nerve to be the real you.

What Chemo Is Like (It Totally Bites)

 Right before I knew I had to start chemo, I looked everywhere online to find out what it feels like. Nothing really prepared me for it but if you want to know what my experience was, I'll tell you. The place I go for chemo is very lovely... There's a restaurant with live music on the first floor that you hear all the way upstairs. On the chemo floor, there's big comfy recliners each with their own tv, a coffee bar, and a guy comes around and takes your food order (as if you can eat). I think the reason they make it so lovely is you would never come back for the weekly torture any other way. haha.
 The first two weeks I had this burning sensation all over... It felt like my veins were on fire. This was attributed to the change in electrolytes and everything else..You're supposed to drink 2-3 quarts of water which I simply can't do so a nurse recommended I drink gatorade. The gatorade is the only thing to stifle the burning but my electrolytes are still a mess. My bones in my forearms, hips, and back hurt most of the time... It's a radiating pain that never really goes away.  Headaches are very normal for chemo patients and mine are nothing that I've ever experienced. My headaches are more like migraines and there are too many interactions with the chemo to take any migraine meds so I take percocet and that barely helps. I have found that drinking lots of water/ gatorade does help all the pain.
 The nausea and loss of appetite come and go. At first, the nausea was really bad and I couldn't keep anything down. Meat always makes me sick so I don't even bother and as you go along you will find there are things that always make you sick and things that don't. The most important thing is to try and find your happy medium. I'm pretty happy with my gatorade and cheerios but you might be able to handle more variety. I take 8 mg of Zofran twice a day but I still have to keep it bland. Good luck!

Beating Cancer Over the Head with a Sledgehammer

Many of my friends and acquaintances know how much I savor my time kayaking away a Saturday with my daughter, hiking undiscovered trails, doing my daily 5 am yoga/pilates, and running around two miles a day. They also know how I am a huge advocate for coral calcium, massive amounts of vitamin D (25,000 grams or more a day to combat pain and boost immunity, and shark oil- not to mention my juicer fixation.
 I'm not perfect. I haven't been the best at handling the stress of an ailing parent, living on a tight budget as a single mom while finishing college, and sometimes picking up a bad habit to ease my frustrations; however, I I don't think any the recipe of my life could have ever prepared me for the dark cloud that rolled over my existence this past September.
Instead of avoiding the questions anymore, I decided it's time to let you all know about the cancer that I never saw coming. It's called choriocarcinoma, which effects 1 in 40,000... It develops from another condition called gestational trophoblastic disease which effects about 1 in 1,500. Choriocarcinoma is one of the two rarest forms of cancer and it's one of the most aggressively spreading cancers that first effectsthe uterus, then moves to the lungs, liver, and brain within months.
 Luckily, my doctors chose to start chemo right away because within a month it had already grown into the muscles surrounding my uterus and was quickly on its way to it's path to finish me off as it made its way north. At the ripe old age of 33 with an 8 year old at home,  as this prospect and uncertainty of sudden death this vicious disease take sthe upper hand threatening to break our hearts and rob my child of the special bond that she deserves. I cried for two weeks and I realized this monster wouldn't get me.
 I take Methotrexate every week.. along with Zofran for the nausea, but the kicker is that chemo causes horrible headaches smilar to having knives stabbing you in the head but there's only a handful of meds you can take because Methotrexate has a ton of side effects so you're stuck with tylenol or percocet but forget migraine meds.
 The causes of choriocarcinoma are relatively unclear... I've heard everything from the causes ranging for having a type A blood type (as I do), Asian and African descent (which I don't), vitamin A deficiency (I totally don't), and a few other odd ones. On the bright side, choriocarcinoma and gestational trophoblastic disease are very unique forms of cancer and are the most researched diseases at universities world wide becase they have a very unique ability to stop spreading and they could help find cures to other forms of cancer.
 While I have felt overwhelmed by this, I know I can fight this and I'm going to win this battle. There's been so much pain in the process of beating this monster but despite the chemo and the plethora of painful treatments one thing keeps me string enough to keep fighting... HOPE.

Get These Books...

If you haven't read "Out of the Dust" or "Cold September"... They're both available for download.


Find links to download both on ibooks, kindle, and nook:
http://www.squidoo.com/cold-september-a-novel

My author page on amazon where you can download copies of the books:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_at_ep_srch?_encoding=UTF8&sort=relevancerank&search-alias=books&field-author=Kristin%20Benedetti

Thanks for checking them out!!!

The Cancer Report #1

Last August I was going in every day for more tests and no answers. In September and after one surgery the answers started to become clear and now I'm on week 3 of chemo. It was harder at first just because I didn't know what to expect but now I feel like I know the drill. Gatorade is the only thing to help stop the constant burning all over but the nausea is always there. Most of my family and friends have remained supportive and others are giving me good vibes through their psychic powers. I think the whole concept of cancer freaks people out, so I'm not surprised that some people can't talk right now. It can be hard to know what to say but I'm very grateful for the people who try. It's rough and very lonely and I appreciate all of you.
The hardest thing for me to deal with is not just death but also losing control. My body was the one place that was always and forever mine and now I feel like I belong in a petri dish. I'm only 33 and I feel like I should be the hyperactive mom I've always been but my body isn't cooperating. There's been many nights that I can't sleep because of the sheer terror at the thought of leaving my daughter. I want to be the same mom I was before. I guess only time will tell how long it will be until I can get back to driving everyone nuts.  

Cioppino!!!

I know it's hot outside and the last thing you're thinking of eating is soup, BUT cioppino is always an exception. This soup has a ton of fish in a tomato base... Skip the rice if you wish to make it even lighter; however, it's already very low cal, low fat, and extremely healthy so it's no big woop if you leave it in.
Ingredients
3 cans Italian style stewed tomatoes
1 large can tomatoo puree
1 large can chicken broth
3/4 cup white long grain rice
1 halibut filet
2 cod filets
2 cups medium sized deveined shrimp
2 cups sea scallops
1 cup sliced celery
1 cup diced white onion
3/4 cup chopped portabello shrooms
1/2 cup chopped scallions
1/2 cup coarsely chopped, sauteed garlic
 1/4 cup basil
1/4 cup. parsley
1/2 cup  parmesean cheese
Directions
Heat the base (tomato ingredients, chicken broth, and seasonings) to boiling. Put all veggies in for about 15 minutes. Add the fish and rice, cover and simmer for another 30 minutes. Stir every few minutes. In the last 5 minutes add the cheese and cook uncovered the rest of the way.That's it!

Easy Cheesy Gluten Free Frittata

This is easy... and gluten free.

1 cup Eggbeaters
1/2 grated zucchini
1 grated carrot
1/2 cup grated smoked fontina cheese or smoked gouda
2 tbs. flax oil

In a small pan, heat flax oil. Sautee veggies and pour eggs over the mixture. Cover with a lid and lower heat for 4-5 minutes. Spinkle cheese over the top and cover, heating for one more minute. Serve with sliced apples or strawberries.

The Diet

*** Follow at your own risk. Consult a physician who will probably object, but it's always better getting a "professional" opinion.

A hundred million years ago, I had to lose 9 pounds in less than two weeks for an event. Follow this diet for 15 days and you will lose a lot of weight pretty rapidly. You can stop after 15 days and go back to eating like a cow or continue the maintenance plan and keep it off...It's up to you.  As with any diet or exercise plan, you need to consult a physician o ensure that this is suitable for you. It takes dedication and persistence but in the end you will feel amazing. Most impotantly, maintaining exercise and drinking enough water is imperitave so you don't gain the weight back and/or die from exhaustion. Listen to your body and although I recommend exercise; tailor it to your capabilities but results only happen when you push yourself to try harder.

All b.s. aside, this diet actually works. It's a combination of things you may have already tried but the reason you can lose a lot of weight and keep it off is because there's a method to the madness. First, you must never ever complain about the diet.. Once you complain about anything, you've resigned yourself to defeat. Have a positive attitude and when things are rough think of the positives such as how much better you're going to feel and look, how much better your health will be, etc... It doesn't take long to turn negative thoughts into positive ones and look at yourself- it's taken a lifetime of negative thoughts to creep up your ass and turn you into this grumpy, complaining slug that only feels happy when a pizza is in the room. Your days are about to change...  You are no longer that grumpy, old slug. You are beautiful and you have the power and control to take charge of your destiny.

As with any diet, you need to exercise in order to lose and control your weight. For optimal results, I recommend intervals (walk one minute, run fast one minute, walk one minute, walk fast uphill one minute, run fast one minute, walk one minute, etc..), pilates, yoga, swimming, and something fun of your choice. Do cardio in the morning for 30 minutes and 15 minutes of toning/ weights in the afternoon the first week. By the second week 45 minutes in the morning of cardio followed by  10 minutes of toning, and then 20 minutes of walking or yoga with 10 minutes of pilates/ toning. Gradually, you should increase your activity because your diet will slowly change, allowing you to eat more and the only way that's going to work is to have your butt moving. By the third week, you will be back to eating so your body needs to be accustomed to doing at least 30 minutes of cardio five times a week if you want to continue losing weight, three times a week if you’re ready to maintain your weight.

Next, you need vitamins because you probably weren't eating right to begin with and now you're starting a very restrictive diet...  Here's what you need (please be sure to speak with your doctor before starting a diet): coral calcium, potassium, magnesium, ferrous iron sulfate, 10,000 mg Vitamin D,  Vitamin K, Vitamin C, and sublingual B-12. Multiple vitamins are barely absorbed by your body … I always feel way better taking them individually and I encourage you to try it. It’s really very important that you get enough potassium and magnesium (not too much, though), so at least have these on hand.

The Diet:

Day 1- Day 5: Lemonade Diet aka Master Cleanse. If you're on this longer than 5 days, no one will like you anymore enough to care if you lost weight. Being that many people want to go on a diet so it will work, we're going to do the absolute minimum on the Master Cleanse. It will teach you a lesson in bravery and you'll have a wonderful feeling of accomplishment...afterall, we just need you cleansed of your evil ways...If you don't already know... You are to drink 64 oz. of water everyday. That water needs to have 2 oz of lemon juice, 2 tbs. cayenne pepper, 2 tbs. molasses.

Day 6-Day 14: Miliary Diet: This is popular in the military... It works so well they would rather not share it with anyone. It's very high in protein, just enough food that you won't/shouldn't die. This is also the FUN component of the diet because it's really not a lot of food, you can eat it in any order, at any time of day as long as it's before 6pm. You could even choose to stuff your face and eat all of it at once.. Doing this will affect your energy level and probably give you some level of indigestion. Every day you can have one can of tuna (if you're being fussy already, you can have half a boneless, skinless chicken breast with nothing on it whatsoever), 2 boiled eggs (ok, you're going to be fussy about that, too I suppose... you can have instead two servings of Eggbeaters), 2 pieces of celery (no ifs, and, or buts... it burns calories digesting it). You may use pepper and a dash of salt once a day. Continue taking your vitamins/minerals and be sure to start everyday with a hot cup of water with a squeeze of lemon, half a tsp of honey, and a dash of cinammon.

Day 15 to the day you die... Gluten free heaven. Soy based protein shakes or veggie juice with arugula, kale, spinach, acrrots, and half an apple, once a day. Continue with your hot water with lemon, honey, and cinammon- but now only in the afternoon because this will boost your energy level. Several recipes on this blog are suitable for this component of the diet and can be easily altered to be gluten free. Always have three slices of apple with breakfast to help metabolism. For lunch, marinate shrimp or steak in flax oil with 1 oz. vinegar, garlic, basil and toss over a spinach or romaine salad. More info is to come...

Friends For Sale

A couple weeks ago my daughter decided to give the whole sidewalk lemonade stand thing a try again; however, this year she had a whole new angle and a whole new business partner. We (actually just me... she supervised) made cupcakes all morning and when her little friend showed up they made all kinds of signs and decorated the cupcakes...Then, they dressed up in crazy wigs with pink santa hats and pom-poms and made spectacles of themselves all for the sake of the cupcakes and lemonade. It was very cute, but then that pivotal moment occured that I had been expecting all day. It's that one millisecond...Despite the nagging feeling that you've lost an irreplaceable Saturday, the learning experience arrives neatly packaged in a blink of an eye and always happens to be completely priceless.
 Last year's lemonade stand experience was that they call it work because it's work...plain and simple. This year was entirely different... The little friend decided she would be the money holder because they figured they were now experienced enough to save up for a lease. I don't think they really know what that is but they throw that word in along with "merger "and "acquistion" every once in awhile. Even though they agreed to split the money 50/50 the little friend went home with all $18. My daughter was infuriated, even though she agreed that the money should be split AND the other kid should hold the money. When she was little I would jump right in and "fix" things but I knew this was her battle. She finally called the friend and after two weeks, they've patched things up. My daughter learned to speak up and the two of them learned you can't put a pricetag on friendship, which is obviously something you would hope they could understand but nothing compares to the experience.

Oh Honey

*** The advice stated here should not be taken in substitution for medical advice. I’m a genius, not a doctor.

I went to the spa and after trying every facial under the sun, I finally found THE ONE. For the most part, it was the same as the rest but this one was made with honey. After digging a little further, I found some great little concoctions you can try at home. All you need is a raw, organic honey found in most grocery stores, cinnamon, goat’s milk, and a cup.

1)      Facial Moisturizing Pore Tightening Mask

Take about 1 tbs. of honey, ¼ cup milk and smear a thin layer over your face (or any old, crusty thing you want moist) and let it sit for 10 minutes. Wipe off excess and rinse with lukewarm water.

2)      Weight loss/ digestive aid/ hangover cure/bladder infection aid/ allergies

Mix 1 tbs. cinnamon and 1 tbs. raw honey into a cup of hot water. Drink every day to curb appetite, after a large meal, after drowning your thoughts in a vat of booze, and/or insomnia. Honey contains potassium, calcium, iron, magnesium and digestive enzymes such as amylase which is a pancreatic enzyme. Cinnamon helps regulate insulin levels. Taken together, they’re magical.

3)       Hair Conditioner

Mix 1 tbs. honey and 1/3 cup coconut oil with ½ an avocado pureed in 1/3 cup goat’s milk. Massage into hair, leave on for 30 minutes and rinse.

4)      Skin Infections/ Eczema

Apply 1 tbs. honey and 1 tbs. cinnamon to effected area. Let sit 15 minutes and then rinse. For chicken pox or bee stings, apply just the honey and don’t rinse until pain/ itching dissipates or if the problem worsens.

Grilled Turkey Portobello Pepper Gyros

Ingredients

For the veggies:

1 lb. portobello mushrooms
1 red bell pepper, sliced
1 yellow bell pepper, sliced
1/4 cup finely chopped white onion
1 tomato
1 cup thinly sliced cucumber
1/2 cup flax oil
1 cup rice vinegar
1 tbs. garlic
dash sea salt

     Slice the veggies and set aside in oil, vinegar, and seasonings.

For the Cucumber/ Yogurt Sauce :
1/3 cup plain fat free Greek yogurt
1/2 cup shredded, seeded cucumber
1 tbs. tahini (sesame seed paste)
2 cloves minced garlic
dash of sea salt

      Mix it up and chill for at least half an hour.

For the Grand Finale:

1 lb.  grilled  turkey breast
4 whole pita bread rounds
1/2 tsp. cumin
1 tsp. coriander
1 tbs. olive oil
2 tbs. parsley
2 cloves minced garlic

Combine ingredients. If using ground turkey mix into the meat with one egg and 1/2 cup breadcrumbs. Form into patties, then grill. If using whole turkey breast combine ingredients,  baste over the top and then grill.
Divide veggie mixture  over the pitas, divide turkey evenly, then drizzle the cucumber yogurt sauce over the top.
Fold the pitas around the filling and secure with a toothpick.

That's it!

Style Advice of the Day

If you're hell bent on applying your own highlights or low lights, use a CLEAN mascara wand... You can pick one up at the beauty supply store... Don't use one from your mascara. The streaks come out more even this way.

Really Fab Russian Lamb Borscht Stew

 

Even if you aren't a big fan of beets, this is one of my favorite ways to use them. This dish can be seved as a soup if you chop everything very fine, but I like to go a little chunky and make it into a stew. If you don't even feel like stew or soup, the borscht concoction makes an uber fabulous marinade... Just cook the ingredients just 5 minutes longer and serve the chunkier cut veggies from the borscht and lamb with rice. If you do it this way, you can drizzle the liquid over the top and it rocks the party just fine.

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons grapeseed oil
• 1 tbs. olive oil
• 1 pound lamb stew meat, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
• 1 onion, peeled and finely chopped
• 3 1/2 quarts beef broth
• 1/4 cup red wine vinegar
• 2 tablespoons lemon juice
• 1 cabbage, cored and shredded
• 2 cans of stewed tomatoes
• 2 lbs. fresh, chopped stewed beets or 32 oz. borscht.
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1 pint sour cream
• 1/4 cup chopped dill

Directions

1. Heat grapeseed and olive oil over medium-high heat in a large pot until very hot. Add the cubed lamb, and sear until well browned. Stir in the onion, and cook until tender and translucent.
2. Pour in the beef broth, vinegar, and lemon juice; add the cabbage, stewed tomatoes, diced beets or beet juice, bay leaves, salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil over high heat, then reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until the lamb and beets are tender, about 2 hours.
3. Stir the borscht, and simmer an additional 15 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Some people would leave the sour cream on the side but I believe it's better mixed in acouple minutes before we remove it from heat. Sprinkle dill on top and serve.

Seven Ways to Lose Weight

This advice is only from my personal experience... If you decide to partake in any of my advice, please consult a physician and/or try any of it at your own risk.

1) Go Gluten- Free... Cut anything and everything with wheat out of your diet and you'll notice a huge difference not in just your weight but also the way you feel. The fake bread isn't worth the trouble, especially if you're trying to lose weight but you can still get carbs from fruit, veggies, etc. If you've had problems in the past with your digestion, you might even notice a huge improvement there as well.

2) Intervals- Your body gets used to doing the same thing and adjusts to it, so if you're always doing the same exercise and suddenly hit the plateau... It's time to change. One thing that works like a charm is intervals. What I do is I walk for two minutes at about 3- 4 mph, break into a sprint for 30 seconds to one minute at 8 mph, go back to walking for one minute, jog at 5 mph for 2 minutes, walk for 30 seconds, back to sprinting for 30 seconds to one minute at 7 or 8 mph, then back to 4 mph for 3 minutes. You can alter this to suit your ability. The next day I jog a few miles at a consistent pace and then do pilates/ yoga, but the next day it's back to intervals. Chirunning, yoga, swimming, golf, tennis... It's all good... Just sprinkle it between the hard stuff and you'll see the pounds fall off. I would only recommend it for someone who has consulted a doctor because I'm not a personal trainer, but I have spent thousands on them. Just friendly advice... Follow it at your own risk.

3) Lemonade fast- Lemon juice, one tablespoon cayenne pepper, one tablespoon molasses, nerves of steel. You drink this and only this for a couple weeks to a month and you'll lose a lot of weight very rapidly. It's supposed to detoxify your body which is probably the best part. Everyone I've met who has really followed this diet to the letter regained the weight so it's a good idea to have a backup plan in place so you don't go back to stuffing your face with candy bars and potato chips.

4) Stairs and sidewalks- They do exist! Walking a little extra throughout your day, whether it's up a flight of stairs as opposed to the elevator or doing a lap around the soccer field during your kids practice will help trick your body by adding this little bit of activity.

5)  Watch the sodium in your diet... It's an enemy to your blood pressure and also increases water retention. Also, drink three glasses of water first thing in the morning before you eat or in the afternoon. It will fill you up so you dont overeat and if you're prone to afternoon snacking it will hold you off a little. Chewing gum, applying lip gloss/ chapstick, and doing your nails will also deter you.

6) Bad advice but this works too: Guarana/ diet pills, water pills, cover your body in plastic wrap... haha.. Please don't... I'm totally kidding.

7) Seriously, the best method is to cut out the garbage or just small stuff here and there and burn more calories than you consume. Writing down everything you eat and drink is the best way to keep on top of where you're messing up.

Good luck!

Style Advice of the Day

Yes, crocheted dresses are in style. Yes, they're cute and lovely. No... you really shouldn't wear them if you're any larger than a size 2. If you NEED something crocheted, get a bag.

Fantabulous Tandoori Chicken

This is one of those things that you'll need to be sure to take your Adderall before you start. It's really great; however, the chicken absolutely must marinate overnight so plan ahead.

Ingedients

3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 cup Greek plain yogurt (Greek tastes way better)
1/4 cup lemon juice
2 tbs. malt vinegar
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp ground coriander
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp ground cardamom
1 tbs. curry
2 tbs. minced garlic
2 tbs. crushed fresh ginger root
2 tbs. ground cumin
1/4 cup grapeseed or flax oil
dash ground pepper
dash of sea salt
tiny pinch of cilantro

Cut slits in the chicken and prick all over with a fork, mix yogurt and spices in a ceramic dish and marinate the chicken in the mixture overnight. Brush off excess, brush with oil. Then roast at 450 degrees for about 30 minutes. Turn it over once half way through. It's actually much better to bbq it, if possible. Sprinkle with cilantro, salt, and pepper when through.

Spinach Enchiladas

These are super easy to throw together and perfect for summer parties because they're light yet perfect for soaking up margaritas. You can make them entirely vegan or add chicken... Either way, they will rock the party.

Ingredients

10 burrito size flour tortillas
2 pkgs. enchilada sauce mix
2- 6 oz. cans tomato paste
3 - 4 cups spinach
1 1/2 cups sliced mushrooms
1 small finely chopped white onion
1/2 cup scallions
10 oz. frozen corn
1 large can sliced olives
6 oz. Monterey Jack Cheese
6 oz. Sharp Cheddar Cheese
1/2 rotisserie chicken (if desired)
2 tbs flax oil
1 tbs. peanut oil

Directions:

Prepare sauce mix as directed with tomato paste. Steam spinach for 3 minutes, then drain and set aside. Sautee mushrooms and onion in oils. Put small amount of sauce in the bottom of large, rectangular pan. Fill each tortilla with a few slices of chicken (if desired), 1/6 cup spinach, 1/4 cup corn. mushrooms, olives, jack cheese, and then top with sauce. Roll the tortilla so the edges are face down. Repeat with remaining enchiladas. Cover all of them with the remaining sauce and bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Top with cheddar cheese and bake for another 10 minutes. Mission accomplished... Now go party.

Style Advice of the Day

As long as you have confidence and a smile, you'll rock any outfit. The clothes aren't wearing you...

Magic Meatballs

No offense, but many people make the same common mistake and lumping together some ground beef that tastes like a McD's reject found in a dark alley and then slapping tomato sauce on it and calling it a meatball. Making them taste authentic is actually quick and painless.

Ingredients

1 1/4 lb. extra lean gr. beef
3/4 lb gr. turkey
1 egg
1/2 cup finely grated parmesean cheese
1/2 cup Italian style bread crumbs
1/4 cup finely minced, sauteed or dried onion
1/8 cup ground garlic
2 tbs. basil
2 tbs. fresh, finely chopped rosemary
1 tbs. parsley
1/4 cup olive oil

Directions

Mix all the ingredients into a bowl very thoroughly. Then form into cute little golf balls. Heat oil in large pan... Place the cute little golf balls in, turning them every 3 - 4 minutes so they don't flatten. After about 10 minutes, drain oil. Add a splash of cabernet, cook for 2 minutes more. Add sauce. Heat for just a couple minutes... Any longer than that will make your sauce thin out and you'll be kicking yourself for not making enough sauce. Remove from heat promptly. Voila! See? That wasn't so hard...

Cowboy Cookies

These are totally the best....

1/2 cup chopped dates

1/4 cup (80 grams)  pecans, toasted and chopped

1 cup (226 grams) unsalted butter, room temperature

2/3 cup (140 grams) dark brown sugar

1/2 cup (100 grams) white granulated sugar

2 large eggs

1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

2 cups (260 grams) all purpose flour

1 1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 cups (195 grams) old-fashioned rolled oats

1/4 cup (35 grams) sweetened flaked coconut

1/2 cup (90 grams) semi sweet chocolate chips

1/2 cup (50 grams) raisins

Place one oven rack in the top third of the oven, and one oven rack in the bottom third of the oven. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper. 

In the bowl of your electric mixer (or with a hand mixer), beat in the butter and sugar until creamy and smooth (about 2 - 3 minutes). Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in the vanilla extract. In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, and rolled oats. Add the flour mixture to the creamed mixture and beat just until incorporated. Stir in the nuts, coconut, chocolate chips, and raisins. 

Form dough into balls, using 1/4 cup (55 grams) for each cookie. Place six balls of dough on each baking sheet. With moistened hands, gently flatten each ball of dough into a 3/4 inch (2 cm) thick cookie. Bake the cookies for about 14 - 16 minutes, rotating the baking sheets halfway through the baking time. The cookies are done when they are golden brown around the edges and just barely set in the center. They should still be soft. Let em cool for about 20 minutes.

Ancient Italian Garlic Medicene Cold/ Virus Remedy

You work hard all week long, feeling run down is a pain butt then the cold/ virus arrives. Always an unwelcome visitor to anyone's terribly busy schedule, the pharmacist will likely  recommend  Cold-Eaze, Vitamin C, Sucrets, Vapor Rub, and Nyquil. By the end of your trip to the drugstore, you blew $100 and after three days your doctor says to come in for pharmacist quality b.s. Well, here is an ancient Italian recipe passed down over hundreds of years that actually works.

1/8 tsp. ground fresh sauteed garlic
2 tbs. apple cider vinegar
1 1/2 tbs. clove honey
4 oz. boiling water

Mix thoroughly. Let sit 5 minutes. Drink quickly while still warm...hotter if you can stand it. It has a very distinct flavor that hopefully you won't be able to taste, but within an hour or so... you'll be very glad you took the bull by the horns and scared that virus right out of town.

Get better my sweet friends!

Italian Proverb:
Finchè c'è vita c'è speranza.
English translation: Where there's life, there's hope.

Shrimp Pappardelle Puttanesca

 

This  is a little spicy but very delicious....

• 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil, or as needed
• 2 cups sliced mushrooms
• 1 1/2 cups 1 inch sliced asparagus
• 2 tablespoons minced garlic
• 1 tbs. basil
• 1 tbs. rosemary
• 1 cup dry white wine

• 1 can medium black olives
• 1/2 cup capers, drained
• 2 tablespoons caper juice
• 2 (14 ounce) cans Italian stewed tomatoes
• 2 cups pan seared shrimp (large)
• 1 pinch red pepper flakes, or to taste
• 1 pound dried pappardelle pasta
• 16 oz. beer

Directions

1. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Stir in mushrooms, asparagus, and garlic. Cook until the mushrooms have begun to brown, about 4 minutes. Increase heat to high, and pour in wine. Bring to a boil, then stir in olives, capers, caper juice, crushed tomatoes,  and pepper flakes and spices. Return to a simmer, then reduce heat to medium-low, and cook for 20 minutes.
2. In separate pan, cook shrimp in beer, drain, and add to sauce.
3. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook  until al dente; drain and toss with sauce to serve.

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Traveling With Kids Doesn't Have to Drive You (or Anyone Else) Nuts

A good friend of mine has finally decided it is time to travel with her kids, ages 3 and 1. Knowing I had an embarrassing amount of travel experience with my daughter and plenty of information to share, she called in a panic. First of all, she wasn't a traveler to begin with and if you haven't traveled yourself, it's going to be that much harder at first but everyone goes through it. Whether it was our first trip to Babies R' Us when she was 2 weeks old or her first flight at 9 months, the first times were always the most difficult because it was a new experience for us both. I always believe the best thing to do is travel with your kids during their regular nap times (not what their nap time schedule for Maui... plan for your time zone).
 If your kids are still really little, you can also make things a little easier on yourself by planning ahead. For the hotel, you're going to need pipe cleaners to tie up cords and duct tape for screaming children... Just kidding! The tape can actually be used to tape towels over sharp corners. The one year old will probably occupy himself in front the mirror for hours (it's their thing). At three, kids are into actual play and creative activities so make sure you pack travel friendly everything... Polly dolls instead of Barbies, Doodle Pro instead of loose paper and crayons, etc.... Keep in mind you're going out into the real world, where normal people do not wish to hear Elmo sing so please leave that at home.
 Restaurants and airplanes are extremely different situations in which you will likely get the exact same reaction out of your child in each situation primarily because they may be a little overstimulated due to the new experience. Talk softly to them, never scold them over it.... However, it is your job to take a screaming child out of a restaurant and it is perfectly okay to take the food to go. Everyone will be very grateful that you did. On the other hand, When you're on an airplane post 9/11 and your child starts screaming at the top of their lungs "We're all going to die", expect a very long and exceptionally quiet flight ahead. On a plane, there's very little you can do if your child starts crying and sometimes offering more toys and more stimuli will only exacerbate the situation. Bring some snacks, a familar book, a replica of their blankie or a replica of a favorite stuffed animal are the best if you do need to offer them something. Also, the rental car companies all offer car seats; however, they're completely nasty. I always either brought mine along or bought a new one and left it behind for the next person. Kids of all ages love gadgets and it will occupy them intermittently, whether it's a cell phone or a DS.
 The airports, restaurants, hotels, etc. will give you ample amounts of time to realize you have ample amounts of time. The airport is the worst because you're new and aren't sure what a long layover is. If your layover is over an hour, find your gate so you know where it is when you get lost and then go for a fun filled walk. Airports lack the ambience that children prefer, so you have to make things up. When you get to a long conveyor belt, remind them that they have to stay together so you'll all be rung up together at the end. Then, go look for the next one. Seriously.... did you ever think you would be doing this?
  You're going to have fun... The main thing to remember is to stay in tune with your kids. The first times are the hardest, but after a couple days they'll be regular tourists. Have a lovely vacation!

Swedish Meatballs

 

Pay Attention! Don't try this if you are currently experiencing any symptoms of ADD/ADHD.

 

Ingredients

• 6 tablespoons butter or margarine, divided
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 cup Italian  style dried bread crumbs
• 1 cup evaporated milk, divided
• 1/2 lb. extra lean ground beef
• 1/2 lb. ground turkey
• 1/2 lb. ground pork
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1 pinch dried parsley
• 1 1/2 teaspoons all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon tomato sauce
• ground nutmeg to taste
• 1 tablespoon worchester sauce
• onion soup mix

Directions

1. Melt 3 tablespoons butter or margarine in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and saute for 5 to 10 minutes, or until tender.
2. In a separate medium bowl, combine the bread crumbs with 2 tablespoons of evaporated milk and stir, allowing the crumbs to absorb the milk. Add the ground meat, onion soup mix, and worchester sauce, onion, egg, salt, ground black pepper and parsley to taste. Mix well and form into golf ball sized meatballs.
3. Heat remaining butter or margarine in the same skillet over medium to medium high heat and add the meatballs. Carefully shake the skillet to turn the meatballs, as needed. Saute for 10 to 15 minutes, or until meatballs are browned on all sides. Transfer the meatballs to a serving platter, reserving the liquid in the skillet.
4. Add the flour to the skillet and stir until smooth. Then gradually add the evaporated milk, tomato sauce and nutmeg to taste; again stirring until mixture is warmed, smooth and creamy. Strain over meatballs

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Style Advice Of the Day

Coral, Coral, Coral, Coral, Coral

Mushroom Artichoke Chicken

Guess what we put in this?

1 lb. split boneless, skinless chicken breast
1 can artichoke hearts
1 1/2 cups portobello mushrooms
2 cups cream of mushroom soup
1 cup chopped onion
1 garlic clove
2 tbs. butter
1tbs. flax oil
dash of gr. fresh rosemary
dash of basil
dash of pepper

Brown the chicken in the butter and flax oil. In separate pan, cook onion, minced garlic and mushrooms. Add veggies to chicken, cover with condensed cr. mushroom soup and add artichoke hearts. Add seasoning and lower heat. Cover and cook about 25 minutes. Serve with rice.



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More Things You MUST Know About Italians

#4 .  The Family Business…  While, I’m sure every culture receives its’ own fair share of prejudices; I can only speak of my own personal experience. Just because you hear an Italian say “family business”, it doesn’t mean it’s time for our semi-annual mafia potluck. It’s a painstakingly rare occurrence that those words don’t summon a bevy of shifty eyes peering at you like you already delivered the horse and had their cement shoes fitted. Heaven forbid you do utter the words “family business” as opposed to “family things”, “family affairs”, “family stuff” you would likely follow that up with an uncomfortable rambling about each and every detail of the “business”. Like, “Henry is divorcing Karen and the kids are so upset  blah blah blah…” and no matter how uncomfortable the rambling is, you only want them to stop staring at you, but you….can’t…..stop…..talking.

#5. Why Does Everyone Look So Hungry? … I don’t know the answer to that question. I think there’s just some genetic mutation that makes everyone look hungry, but then I’m not a scientist. Once, I was at a grocery store in Santa Barbara, California and I saw this hobo walking around picking up one inexpensive item after another and just staring at it and putting it back down. It nearly broke my heart, so when I saw him in the parking lot I pushed a twenty into his hand and then he began pummeling me with old blueberry muffins- at least I think those were blueberries. So, you can never tell and who am I to judge? All I know is if you’re holding a plate, I will feed you something and if I catch you gawking at food, consider it a done deal.

Style Advice of the Day

Never go out in public with a loved one in MATCHING NAUTICAL wear. Most couples don't pull off that look to well when worked in unison.

Fake it Til You Can Make It Teriyaki Chicken Lo Mein

Like most cuisine outside North America, Asian cuisine usually uses three or four spices that play a big part in most of their dishes. With most Asian fare, balance garlic, curry, and ginger and you'll be fine. Step out of line a little bit and suddenly you'll be having Ginger Chicken, Curry Chicken, or Garlic Chicken. I'm almost entirely sure this is how we got our North American perspective on the entire region, so let's just go with it.

You don't really need any special skills to do this recipe and you can still get away with it without the spices if they freak you out.

Serves 2- 4

2 split boneless, skinless chicken breast
1 1/2 cups angel hair noodles (trust me.... )
1 cup low sodium teriyaki sauce
1/2 cup of chopped scallions
1/2 cup thinnly sliced mushrooms
1/4 cup shredded carrots (optional)
2 tablesppons flax oil (peanut oil or veggie oil is fine, too)
dash of garlic
dash of curry
dash of ginger

First, slice chicken breast and marinate in 3/4 c. of teriyaki sauce for 3-6 hours in the fridge. Chilling is optional, but it does taste better if you do follow along. Prepare noodles as directed minus one- two minutes. Sautee all veggies in flax oil (I use flax oil because it TASTES better... but if don't want to follow along and decide peanut is better, by all means.) Next cook the chicken in the teriyaki sauce. Now, add veggies and remaining teriyaki sauce and cook for one minute. In a larger pan, for better distribution- stir fry the noodles, veggies, and chicken together in the flax oil. You can add 1/4- 1/2 cup of sauce but be careful because that stuff is loaded with salt. If it looks like dinner, and tastes like dinner, it must be dinner.

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What You MUST Know About Italians

#1: We Have No Idea How To Pack... You might say "Simplfy!".... To us, we hear "Add more black.". Or "Add more white." Either way we end up with twice as much luggage, had we not listened to you.     Italian culture is very much built around art and beauty, so do not be surprised when you see  an Italian myself rushing through an airport with a screaming child (just kidding our children   only scream when they're happy, so actually it's fine!) with 3 red bags and 3 black or 2 black and 2 white or whatever the Lord chose that day. One thing is for sure, we're going to look as good as possible lugging that crap around.

#2: Hair Rules Our Life... Recently I bought a new carry on and it came with a lovely albeit, much too ginormous makeup container. Maybe it wasn't a makeup conatiner, at all... I don't know. But what  I did was so horrible and unimaginable... I must have been in some kind of major hurry.  I can't imagine the kind of hurry that would have caused this but if you ever meet an Italian... just ask them to take a great big deep breath. I spilled hair remover in the makeup bag. Once we got where we were headed I was ready to jump right out the window when I saw that. Not only that, but what if I had forgotton my flat iron? And my triple action anti-humidity foam jet pump and the re-silkening serum mist?? Eek.

#3: Long on Love, Short on Temper.... No matter who you meet in the world, no matter what culture I believe we're all inherently the same. We aren't perfect. Italian's have a repuation that I know is somewhat true. I think anyytime you love something to any extent, you can become inflamed by it. Often the things we may get inflamed about are different,  but that's what feeds our passion anyway. I refer to our temper as the Italian Spaz Attack... I tend to have them once in awhile and they tend to go like this.... I can't find something, I figure someone moved it, and freak out about it until I eventually find whatever I was looking for and breathe a sigh of relief that I never brought it up. It's taken me years of practice, but I have learned to keep my mouth shut when I feel the Italian Spaz Attack coming on. Perhaps, it's my Swedish side that just tells me to jump out the window that keeps me under control. hahaha.

Awesomely Fantastic Mango Salsa

5 Roma Tomatoes
1 white onion
1/2 green bell pepper
1 cup distilled white vinegar
1/2 cup cilantro or to taste (i like it hot, obviously)
a dash of garlic
squeeze of half a lime

Let the chopped onion and chopped 1/2 bell pepper sit overnight in the vinegar. Next  day, chop tomatoes, add the onion bell pepper, cilantro, garlic, and lime into a bowl and there it is. Chill in the fridge.

Stop here if you just want boring old pico de gallo.

Now for EXCITEMENT!!!!

1 Mango
2 Kiwi ( unless you have a latex allergy)
1 papaya
1/2 can crushed pineapple

Cut each up in small pieces and soak in vinegar for about 6 hours in the fridge. To make this easier on yourself in the future you could just add the fruit to the onion and bell pepper six hours before you plan on preparing the pico de gallo...but then, it wouldn;t be as EXCITING!!!!!!

Add the fruit after you've got everything sorted out in your head. It will be fine. I promise. The main thing to remember with salsa is to balance the cilantro, garlic, tomato, and lime.... also the vinegar. Just be careful and it will  be very exciting. Good luck and be well. ; )

Style Advice of the Day

Zebra prints look great on everyone... Just look at all the fat zebras running around!!!

The Secret Life of Bullies

My daughter has always been a moving target for bullying. I raised her to be well rounded with a huge vocabulary in a couple different languages even, nurture her talents, raise her as securely as I could in a crazy world, and be well travelled, and be well versed in relating to others. I tried to answer her questions about politics, different religions and the arts as best I could but nothing prepare me to deal with some of the nasty kids she's encountered. I've come to the conclusion that it really has to do with grace. I think every culture, no matter what your background... you can feed your children adversity or you can give them strength.
 The best way to do that is to just nurture differences and not feed into ignorance. Really we are all different and nothing will ever change that. Despite our busy schedules and our reliance on under funded schools to set things straight, it's a parents responsibility to nurture the best you can in your kids and correct yourself if you mess up. Who doesn't mess up once in awhile? No one's perfect... but for every time you can forgive someone or forgive yourself, you're teaching your kid to do the same thing.

Au Naturale - Food for Your Face

The best things for your skin are obvious: drink plenty of water, wear sunscreen, destress your life, sleep on organic million thread count Egyptian count cotton pillow cases, if you have acne get botox and never flatten your entire face with fillers, have orgasms regularly, eat a diet rich in antioxidants and low in animal fat... but here's some of my little homemade conconctions that you can whip up in your kitchen with better results and much less than you'll ever spend on a 1.7 ounce jar of b.s.

Moisture Mask

1/2 avacado
1/4 cup oatmeal
one egg white
3 tablespoons flax seed oil

Mix up and leave on for a few minutes. Rinse off with water.

For Eyes:

Sliced Cucumbers over eyes  for 5 minutes while the mask sets.


Citrus Pore Tightning/ Exfoliator

1/4 grapefruit
1/2 lemon
1 oz. crushed pineapple
1 oz pureed banana

Mix it up, leave it on for a couple minutes. Rinse with water. While face is still damp, dab almond oil over face very lightly to moisturize.

Salmon is Your Friend- Three Easy Recipes So Yummy and Fabulous People Could Easily Mistake You For Someone That Knows What They're Doing

This only works with salmon, so don't try to outsmart the system or you'll be serving a large dish of disappointment and who wants that? No one but poor drunk hobos and I believe you're better than that so do the right thing... buy the salmon.


One large fillet or a few small ones

Recipe #1: Mustard Dill Salmon
1/2 cup organic raw honey
1/2 cup course ground dijon mustard
1/4 cup horseradish
1/4 to 1/2 cup coursely chopped fresh dill

Mix all ingredients minus the dill and spread evenly over the salmon, sprinkle the dill over the top and bake at 350 for 30 minutes or until the fish flakes easily and is no longer bright juicy pink in the middle.

Recipe #2: Asian Orange Salmon

1/2 cup PULP FREE orange juice concentrate
grated orange rind
1/4 cup low sodium soy sauce
1/2 tablespoon garlic (yeah, i know it sounds crazy. just trust me)
1/2 tablespoon curry powder
1/2 tablespoon ground ginger

Mix ingredients EXCEPT orange rind and marinate salmon overnight in mixture. If you're in a hurry, you can skip the long marinating process and jump ahead... Just coat the filets in the mixture either way and bake at 350 for 30 minutes on middle rack as per directions above.

French Seafood Quiche

6- 8 oz. poached salmon filets, 1 cup sliced sea scallops
3-4 cups of Eggbeaters OR if you want to kill yourself use 9 eggs
3/4 cup Grated Goat cheese
1 cup Grated Smoked Gouda cheese
one bunch of spinach
3/4 cup sauteed mushrooms
1/2 cup sauteed scallions
minced sauteed garlic cloves
4- 5 long fresh  rosemary sprigs

Sautee the shrooms, chopped scallions and garlic cloves. Mix everything except the rosemary and 1/2 cup of the grated gouda into a mixing bowl and pour into either a casserole dish or a dish truly meant for a quiche. Bake at 375 for 25 minutes. Evenly space the rosemary sprigs on top and bake for another 22 minutes. Then spinkle remaining gouda on top and cook for about 6-12 minutes. Poke the center with a butter knife or popscicle stick to check that it's cooked all the way through... If it comes out clean then its done. If it isn't done after 10 minutes, lower the temp to 350 so the cheese doesn't burn and cook for 8 more minutes.

White wine always goes with fish so I recommend Clois du Bois Chardonnay with this and the Mustard Dill Salmon.

Killer Vegan Eggplant MoussakaThat Will Blow Your Mind

Warning: You absolutely must prepare your eggplant one day before making this or it will undoubtedly be jacked up.

Take two eggplants, slice them in quarter of an inch slices, sprinkle heaavily with sea salt and lay them on a couple paper towels in a large platter. Then, cover with a couple paper towels and let it sit over night. When ready to prepare the dish, rinse the eggplant thoroughly to remove the salt.

For the Killer Eggplant Lasagna:

Two Eggplants
3/4 Cup Mozzerella Cheese
1 Yellow Bell Pepper
3 Roma Tomoatoes
1 1/2 Cups Spinach
1 Egg
1 container Cottage Cheese
Magic Tomato Sauce (see below)

For Magic Sauce: Using a jar of Tomato Basil Classico Sauce for the base, place in a sauce pan. Sautee a thinnly chopped garlic clove, half a minced white onion, and half a cup of chopped portabello mushrooms separately in two tablespoons of olive oil. Add a couple splashes of cabernet to sauce to garlic mixture once everything is thoroughly cooked. Simmer for a minute and then add to sauce. Simmer and add four minced leaves of fresh basil. Let simmer for about five minutes or so and set aside.

In a mixing bowl, mix egg. Add spinach and whole container of cottage cheese (drain the cottage cheese prior to using so it isn't runny). Put a thin layer of sauce on bottom of lasagna dish (about 1/4- 1/2 cup). Place first layer of eggplant in rows, then cover with thin layer of sauce (1/2 cup) and layer the spinach mixture on top. Put another layer of eggplant over the spinach mix and cover with 1/2- 3/4 cup of sauce. Now, place one inch slices of the yellow bell pepper and thinnly sliced tomatoes on top, cover with the remaining sauce. Put it in the oven at 350 degrees for 28 minutes. Take the dish out, put the shredded cheese on top and put back in the oven for 6 minutes.


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